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Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
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When Can You Start?
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Everyone wants a job. To have money for Twizzlers, takeout coffee, a good shampoo, and cars.
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The only hitch is you have to go through an interview to get one. It’s a nasty gauntlet, competition out there is brutal, and no matter how well you feel you’ve prepared, within five minutes of the sit-down you are sweating like a musician writing a check.
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But with a little research you can easily brush up on the rules and etiquette governing the interview process and arm yourself with sure-fire ways to convince the interviewer that you are, indeed, “the one.”
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For starters, avoid these 10 simple things and get an instant leg up on 99% of your fellow applicants.
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Top Ten Things Not to Do During a Job Interview.
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1. When asked your favorite recreational activity, do not mention coming top five in the Annual Open Throat Beer Drinking Contest in Daytona every March break for the past nine years.
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2. Do not slip a twenty into the interviewer’s palm when you shake it. (Make it at least a C-note.)
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3. Men, refrain from asking the female interviewer: “So, are you married or what?”
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4. Women: Do not ask “Does anyone else finds it hot in here?” and then lift your top up to wave some cool air in.
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5. When asked about personal achievements do not mention the time in Grade Six you took a classmate down to Chinatown after she called you a suck-up.
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6. Do not fidget, proclaiming: “I’ve been so frickin’ itchy lately.”
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7. Do not lie. They'll find out very quickly you didn't just sabbatical at the Sorbonne.
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8. Do not list among your strengths that you watched the movie “Air Bud” all the way through and did not cry, not even once.
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9. Do not ask, at any point: “How much longer do you think this is going to take?”
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10. Do not ask, just before leaving, “Is there anywhere I can get a beer around here?”
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These nuggets of advice come from a friend of mine in corporate HR, a veteran in these trenches.
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1. a) Do not arrive late. b) Do not wear flip-flops. (Friend swears she’s witnessed both.)
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2. Do not call your friends while waiting and bellow about how bored you are.
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3. Do not walk unannounced into the interviewer's office and announce: “I haven't got all day!"
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4. Do not open with this: “I forgot my resume. But here are my ideas to fix this company.”
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5. Women: Do not ask in conspiratorial tones, “Are there are as many men here as, like, say, in the Navy?”
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6. Do not snatch papers off the interviewer’s desk with the comment: “Let’s see what kind of rip-off operation you are running here.”
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7. Do not bring your mother with you into the interview. (Again, my friend swears.)
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8. Do not ask how the interviewer got his job, snort, and say: "Well, I won’t bother doing all that.”
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9. Do not bring an extra large takeout pizza into the interview room with you, announcing: “Hope ya like extra chopped onion!”
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10. When told your hours will be 8:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. do not ask if that means “every day.”
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Interviewer: What are your strengths?
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Job applicant: I'm an optimist and a postive thinker.
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Interviewer: Can you give me an example?
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Applicant: When do I start?
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Recent Post
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Simply too good not to share.. Bioluminescence There’s a dark so deep beneath the sea the creatures beget their own light. This feat, this fact of adaptation, I could say, is beautiful though the creatures are hideous. Lanternfish. Hatchetfish. Viperfish. I, not unlike them, forfeited beauty to glimpse the world hidden by eternal darkness. I subsisted on falling matter, unaware …
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Book Sales
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The Music of Leaving, my collection of poetry, is available to order.
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Order directly online — for both Canada and U.S. orders — from Amazon, Brunswick and Demeter.
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